ToMmYizaSicKo

The Hippies are Coming!! The Hippies are COMING!!!

2009-06-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

Phish is performing in my town tonight! NOOOOOOOO!!! There are fucking smelly dirty hippies everywhere!! It's an INFESTATION!!!!!

I'm barricading myself in my bedroom with my rifle!

Godspeed...

Summer Update

2009-05-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

I went to New Hampshire, went to a KoRn concert, had several parties including a big Memorial Day barbecue, walked 55 miles....

Summer just began and im already fucking exhausted!

The world would be a much better place if people cared less about shit I don't give a FUCK about!!!

2009-05-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

Extreme Shrinkage!!!!

2009-05-16T09:15:00.001-07:00

I just went in the pool for the first time this year.....it was FUCKING FREEZING!!!!! The water could not have been more than 45 degrees! I'm suffering fom a MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR case of shrinkage right now!!

THE SUMMER OF TOMMY 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

THE SUMMER OF TOMMY 2 HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONCERTS, BARBECUES, BONFIRES, BEACHES, VACATIONS, AMUSEMENT PARKS ETC....

Why do lesbians spend so much time at restauraunts?

2009-05-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

Cuz they love eating out!!

A new controversial restauraunt is opening that has animal sperm on the menu!...

2009-05-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

It's called Jizznos!

Movietime

2009-05-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

I usually don't start a long movie this late at night but what the fuck....It's not like I have something to get up early for.

I'm watching the Brad Pitt movie The Curviest Cock in Benjamin's Butthole. Hopefully, it's not a waste of 3 hours....

It's OFFICIAL

2009-05-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

I'm in shorts and sandals!!!!

THERE IS NO GOING BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!

2009-05-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

This is what speaking the truth can get u nowadays....

Radio talk show host Jay Severin suspended for comments about Mexicans...

Conservative WTTK radio host Jay Severin was suspended indefinitely today after making offensive remarks about illegal aliens and the swine flu, sources tell the Herald.
Severin was shocked to learn about the suspension, the sources said, as the station had been using those same remarks in on-air promos.
Heidi Raphael, a spokeswoman for station owner Greater Media, confirmed Severin’s suspension saying the station would have no further comment.
“We’re going to sit down with the station soon,” said Severin’s agent and attorney, George Tobia. “I am confident that everything will be resolved and Jay will be back on the air doing great radio soon....

http://news.bostonherald.com/business/media/view.bg?articleid=1169247

Jay is fucking awesome! I've been listening to him for 9 years now. They need to reinstate him and apologize immediately.

I have a black friend who is a prominent bodybuilder....

2009-04-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

His name is Arnold Schwarzenigger!

(rim shot!)

It's so fuckin beautiful out today. Temps in the mid 70s, a little breezy. Perfect weather! Too bad im too pissed off to enjoy it...

OH YESSS YEEEESSS MASSA!!!

2009-04-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

I actually agree with......wait for it.....wait for it................wait for it........................A DUMBMOCRATIC CONGRESSMAN!!!!

Congressman Erik Massa is 10000% right! Close the fucking border already!! I don't wanna get fuckin pig AIDS.

http://www.stargazette.com/article/20090429/NEWS01/904290339/1117

BLACKOUT!!

2009-04-27T20:27:00.001-07:00

For the past few hours, most of my town has been without power. Apparently a manhole explosion is the cause....hahaha

Thank fuckin god my laptop still works and I have my awesome portable DVD player!

Mr. Chocolate Face

2009-04-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

Watch this priceless video of a Turkish anchor reporting on Yobama....in blackface!!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/08/turkish-anchor-reports-on_n_184613.html

Ah...reminds me of last Halloween! ;)

If u eat shit, will food come out your ass?

2009-04-08T20:55:00.000-07:00

THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!

Gotta Love the Predators!

2009-04-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

LOS ANGELES (AFP) — A six-month campaign of Predator strikes in Pakistan has seriously damaged the Al-Qaeda structure there, forcing militants to turn on one another as they search for culprits, The Los Angeles Times reported Saturday.
Citing unnamed US intelligence and counter-terrorism officials, the newspaper said on its website that the pace of the attacks has increased dramatically after the administration of former president George W. Bush made last August a previously undisclosed decision to abandon the practice of obtaining permission from the Pakistani government before launching strikes from the unmanned aircraft.
Since the end of August, the CIA has carried out at least 38 Predator strikes in northwest Pakistan, compared to 10 reported attacks in 2006 and 2007 combined, the report said. And the Obama administration is set to continue the strikes.
"This last year has been a very hard year for them," the paper quotes a senior US counter-terrorism official as saying of Al-Qaeda militants. "They're losing a bunch of their better leaders. But more importantly, at this point they're wondering who's next."
The official also said that Al-Qaeda leaders in Pakistan "have started hunting down people who they think are responsible" for security breaches.
"People are showing up dead or disappearing," the official added.
According to The Times, the stepped-up Predator campaign has killed at least nine senior Al-Qaeda leaders and dozens of lower-ranking operatives.....

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5i9XHNzECd-rofaOwjiq5F_6vCMrQ

FINALLY!!!!!

2009-03-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

SPRING IS HERE!!!!!!!! FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!

I was days away from hanging myself if this goddamn weather didn't change!!

This has to be said...

2009-03-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

Anyone who thinks Michelle Obama is good looking has to be fucking blind!

The broad looks like Homer Simpson buttfucked a camel.

HOW THE HELL

2009-03-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

DID THEY FIT BOTH OPRAH WINFREY AND MICHELLE OBAMA ON THE SAME MAGAZINE COVER?!?!?! DAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!

That's a whole lotta burnt fuckin beef!

Do black women like getting the shit kicked out of them or what?

2009-03-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

Tina Turner was with Ike for over 20 years, Whitney Houston kept going back to Bobby Brown, and now Rhianna is with Chris Brown again recording a fuckin love duet!!

Dumb bitches deserve what they get....

WORST FUCKING HOLIDAY

2009-02-14T09:22:00.001-08:00

EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S ME!!!!

2009-02-13T20:39:00.000-08:00

Okay....so here are my excuses for not posting in almost a month...

* I'm a lazy motherfucker!
* I've been sick with the BirdFluSARSSuperAIDS virus for the past 2 weeks.

But mostly because pain in the balls blogspot hasn't let me log in lately!! Assfucks!!

Luckily, everything is working fine now. I don't know what the hell was a matter with it before. But you can expect a brand new kick ass post from me tomorrow!

Iniguration Day

2009-01-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

I would rather put my balls in a fucking blender than watch Barack Obama's iniguration.

I would rather have a junkie inject AIDS into my ass with a filthy needle than watch Barack Obama's iniguration.

I would rather have sex with all The Golden Girls, including the dead one than watch Barack Obama's iniguration.

I would rather rip the skin off my dickhead with a rusty canopener than watch Barack Obama's iniguaration.

I would rather take a bath in a tub full of monkey shit than watch Barack Obama's iniguration.

Hope and Change my ass. I wish him the WORST. I hope he fucking FAILS miserably!

Martin Loser King Day

2009-01-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one that had a dream got his fucking brains blown out.

Tommy's Facebook

2009-01-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

My Facebook page. ADD ME OR DIE!!!

http://profile.to/tommyizasicko

I'll try to be less of a lazy son of a bitch next week and update this blog more.

Ahh....

2009-01-04T00:04:00.000-08:00

I really want to post something but I have no idea what the fuck to write about. So I guess it's time for another edition of The iPod Shuffle Game. Actually, it's not really a game at all...in fact, it's a pointless waste of time. But I have nothing better to do, so im gonna press shuffle on my iPod 20 times and see what songs come up....

Here we go niggerlickers!

1.Combat by The Deftones
2.A Welcome Burden by Disturbed
3.Breaking the Law by Judas Priest
4.Mourning by Tantric
5.Now I Lay Thee Down by Machinehead
6.Danger-Keep Away by Slipknot
7.Suffocate by Sevendust
8.Duhast by Rammstein
9.This is Not by Static X
10.Platinum by Orgy
11.Corona Radiata by NIN
12.Cyanide by Metallica
13.Ball Tongue by Korn
14.Unanswered by Suicide Silence
15.Raining Blood by Slayer
16.Cowboys from Hell by Pantera
17.Chinese Democracy by Guns N'Roses
18.Dirt Room by Blue October
19.Get Inside by Stone Sour
20.Have it Your Way by Mudvayne

Yay

GO JEWS!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-02T15:38:00.000-08:00

Ohhhh....Get the popcorn, another war has broken out!!

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=ax9vcDT1ftts&refer=home

I hope they continue to rain those big nose rockets down on the terrorist scumfucks in Gaza for as long as it takes.

2009

2008-12-31T22:11:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Gift is Worth a Thosuand Words

2008-12-27T20:56:00.000-08:00

What I got everyone for Christmas this year....

Mom: A two-headed twelve inch white dildo. (she can share it with a friend.)

Dad: A fatass blowup doll and a pink ball gag. (it was gag gift! HAHA!)

Sister: Penis erasers. (pass one out to everyone in her class.)

Grandmother: Anal beads. (Well...what did u want me to get her!?? A stupid fucking candle!?!)

God...I love Christmas!

Cruel or Hilarious?....

2008-12-26T21:19:00.000-08:00

.......FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!

Xbox Christmas Prank...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9iPadxE0U

Although if my parents ever pulled that shit on me i'd slid their fucking throats and burn their bodies in the backyard! ;)

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!

2008-12-25T19:45:00.002-08:00

BUSY AS HELL!

2008-12-21T22:05:00.001-08:00

I've been so fucking busy lately, I haven't had time to post at all. And yet there's still so much shit I need to get done before Christmas. ONLY 3 DAYS AWAY!!!!!

It's times like this I wish slavery was still legal....

btw- Today is my sister's 15th bday. Happy birthday Ashole!!

This Week in 'That's What She Said'....

2008-12-12T13:51:00.000-08:00

Mom is on the phone talking to her friend about our cellar being flooded with rainwater.

Mom: My downstairs is all wet.

Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Dad is Xmas shopping for my step grandfather.

Tommy: Hurry up.

Dad: I'm hurrying! He's a tough person to shop for. It's hard....its really hard.

Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Dad and Mom are trying to suck up the water in the basement with a hose.

Dad: You have to stick it in that hole!
Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Aunt talking to my little cousin about a candle.

Aunt: Blow it...or im gonna blow it!
Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Grandmother warning me about my melting ice cream.

Grandmother: Lick it before it drips all over the place.

Tommy: That's What HE Said!!!!!!

Mom and sister are discussing how to cook a soft pretzel in the microwave.

Mom: The longer you put it in the harder it will get.

Ashley: Noooo...the longer you put it in the softer it will get.

Tommy: That's What She Said!!!

BONUS

Tommy: Ashley! ASH!! Hurry up! Come here now! Quick!!

Ashley: I'm coming...im coming...im coming! That's What He Said!!

(High Five Ash!)

Oprah drops a BOMBSHELL: SHE'S FAT!!!!!!!

2008-12-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!! Oprah Winfrey......FAT?!?!?!?! I'm speechless!

Read the SHOCKING, UBELIEVABLE news!.....

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ukpress/article/ALeqM5gD2aNX_oSFh7bKztKDWqvG5QWWxg

I guess she assumes her audience is made up completely of the fucking blind....

Tommy's Dicktionary: December 5th 2008

2008-12-05T19:46:00.001-08:00

CLITORIETY

Definition: The quality or condition of being an unfavorable, illfated vagina.

Verb

Example: I bet that skanky stripper's cunt has clitoriety.

A-HA! I Knew It!!

2008-12-05T19:41:00.000-08:00

Just read....

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4B423V20081205

Fucking HILARIOUS!!!

2008-11-30T06:01:00.000-08:00

STORY OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!

'Black Friday' took a violent turn as over-zealous shoppers trampled a Walmart worker to death in Long Island, NY at 5am.
The 34-year-old Queens man died after 'hundreds' of people broke down the doors and flooded the store......

http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7013225247

I WOULD DO THE EXACT SAME THING!!! Don't EVER underestimate the mystical powers of the MIGHTY Walmart!!!

YESSSS!!! THERE IS A GOD!!!!

2008-11-30T05:56:00.000-08:00

The carpetmunching whale's shitty variety show was a COLOSSAL flop!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/tvguide/390031_tvgif29.html

NBC will NOT be bringing it back! HAHAHA!

Southern Baptist terrorists launch attacks in India!!!

2008-11-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

Hahaha....just kidding! Of course they're MUSLIM terrorists! DUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7751160.stm

We have hundreds of perfectly good nukes just sitting there collecting dust. Shame Shame Shame!!

Kill Me NOW!!!!!!

2008-11-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

Rosie O'Donnell's variety special 'Rosie Live' premieres tonight.

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD GIVE THIS FAT FUCK ANOTHER SHOW?!!?!?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosie_Live!

There's a good reason the show is on the night before Thanksgiving and not the holiday itself. NBC doesn't want viewers barfing their fucking turkey up.

Break a neck Ro!

Whaaaat the FUCK?!!

2008-11-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

Add another retarded stupid celebrity baby name to the LONG LONG list of retarded stupid celebrity baby names! Over the weekend talentless airhead Ashlee Simpson and her faggy pussy husband Pete Wentz announced the birth of their first son. And his name is.............(drumroll please!)..............................

BRONX MOWGLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woooow....They mineaswell just name the kid Dildohead Shitpants.

http://www.nationalledger.com/ledgerpop/article_272623939.shtml

I hope that douchebag Pete Wentz teaches the little bastard to fight and defend himself. He's going to get his fucking ass kicked when he goes to school! (you know...I might even do it myself!...)

Good luck Bronx!

Ehhh..

2008-11-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted in recent days. I've been suffering from a severe case of niggeritis. I haven't done much of anything lately.

The Best Fucking Thing EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

It's a $350 10.2 Insignia portable DVD player!!!! You can take this motherfucker ANYWHERE with you!!

Now I can fufill my lifelong dream of taking a dump and watching South Park at the same time! HOOOOORAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annoying Liberal Word of the Day

2008-11-17T17:52:00.001-08:00

If u have a stupid fucking dirtbag liberal friend, chances are they have used these ANNOYING words.

WORD OF THE DAY

SHEEPLE- People who follow something or someone like a herd of sheep. Its use became widespread during the George W Bush era.

Next time you hear a braindead fucking liberal say that word be sure to whack'em upside the head. THAT'S AN ORDER!!!!!!

Look at my Shit!!

2008-11-15T13:44:00.000-08:00

This is the stuff I bring with me everywhere I go...A red petlovers wristband (stolen from WalMart), 2 spare double A batteries, a spike wristband, a cell phone, a video camera, a watch, sunglasses, a black rolling ball pen, a digital camera, a wallet, and 2 iPods.

I might start carrying a handgun, too....;)

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 12th 2008

2008-11-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

Rubbing her Nub

Definition: Female jerking/whacking/jacking off. Can also be used to describe female excitiment towards something.

Verb

Eample: I caught my mom rubbng her nub in the living room.

The MIGHTY MIGHTY Wal-Mart!

2008-11-11T20:51:00.000-08:00

I FUCKING LOVE that store! Seriously, who doesn't like the grand magical WalMart? Tell me someone who hates it and i'll bash their fucking skull in with a fucking hammer. It has EVERYTHING!!!!! E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where else in this country can u do your grocery shopping and a buy a new pair of Spiderman underwear and gun at the same time?!? It's also the only place in America where poor white trash rednecks and the smelly minorities they hate can come together and coexist! Amazing!!

Not only is the great WalMart unifying, it serves as a good therapist, too. If you suffer from low self-esteem or image problems all u have to do is step foot in the store and take a look around. I guarantee you by the time you leave you'll feel ALOT better about yourself. Truuuust me....

I could go on and on about the legendary WalMart, but I have to get to bed. I'm going there first thing tomorrow morning! I can't wait to friviously spend money I don't have on stupid shit I don't need!!

GOD BLESS WALMART!!!!!! GOD BLESS CAPITALISM!!!! FUCK SOCIALISM!!!!!!!

QUOTES FROM MY LIFE 3

2008-11-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

Starring:
Tommy
Sister Ashley
Mom
Dad
Grandmother
Best Friend Matt

**ALL THESE QUOTES ARE 100% REAL!!! EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE WAS REALLY SAID IN MY DAILY EXCHANGES WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS**

Dad is chopping wood.
Tommy: Hey, need any help?
Dad: Yes!
Tommy: Fuuuuck....I was hoping you'd say no..........well, im not helping. (walks away)
Dad: Thanks, I appreciate it.

Dad: What the hell is that smell?
Ashley: It smells like feet.
Tommy: It's my ass!
Ashley: Gross!
Dad: It smells like a mix of ass and feet.
Tommy: Yeah, you might be on to something there...

Dad: I'm a Mit Romney fan.
Tommy: I know.
Dad: He'll run again.
Matt: You really like him?
Dad: Yes, I do.
Matt: Would u let him fit it inside you if he asked?
Dad: What?!
Matt: Let him stick it in you. Yoooou know what I mean. Just Once.
Tommy: Just Once!
Dad: You're fucking sick!

Throws an empty bag of chips on the ground.
Tommy: Fuck Al Gore and the environment!
Dad: Why do u guys like to litter?!
Tommy: It's a spirtual experience.
Matt: It helps us reach nirvana.

At Taco Bell. Eating the new 'volcano taco'.
Tommy: Fuck...this fucking volcano taco is hot!
Mom: Drink some water.
Tommy: Ahhh..it feels like its erupting in my mouth!!! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!! Ahhh...

Ashley: Byeeee, im leaving.
Tommy: Have fun, Ash...remember if you're going to have sex, make sure u have it with women. You don't want to be a knocked up teen welfare bitch.

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 9th 2008

2008-11-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

These are words or phrases I use frequently.

Hair Pie

Definition: Vagina

Noun

Example: Pumpkin is good, but hair pie is my favorite.

Kitty Porn

2008-11-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

My cat Mittenz looking at internet porn.

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 8th 2008

2008-11-08T14:05:00.000-08:00

Niggerlicker

Definition: Someone who licks African-Americans.

Noun, verb (niggerlicking)

Example: Don't be a no good niggerlicker!!

I'm thinking about inventing a Barack Obama ornament.....

2008-11-07T23:56:00.000-08:00

So every family in America can hang a nigger from a tree this Christmas!

Got any Obama jokes?

Send them to tommyizasicko@aol.com

Picture This!

2008-11-07T23:43:00.000-08:00

New Game!

Close your eyes and picture these images. Try not to laugh......or barf!

* Mother Teresa using a black dildo on herself.

* Barack Obama eating fried chicken out of Ted Kennedy's fatass.

* A 2-headed naked midget with a 25 inch dick.

* Green Aliens giving Oprah Winfrey an anal probe.

* A Chinese woman sucking milk out of a severely obese red headed woman's tits.

* A bodybuilder raping Elmo from Sesame Street.

* Osama Bin Laden taking a shit in Britney Spears' mouth.

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 7th 2008

2008-11-07T22:57:00.000-08:00

Face Pussy

Definition: Facial hair

Noun

Example: I have to shave my face pussy before work.

It looks like Ellen has to give her toaster back....

2008-11-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

Voters approve a ban on gay marriage.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/ballot_measures

I'm surprised it passed considering California is such a hippie shithole. And you know what is hilariously ironic about this? A majority of blacks, the same "people" who voted for our new marxist in chief, SUPPORTED the ban! HAHAHA!!!

Gays.... meet the blacks.....Blacks....meet the gays.....

MINORITY FIGHT!!!!!!!!! MINORITY FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 6th 2008

2008-11-06T19:22:00.001-08:00

These are words or phrases that I use often in my daily conversations.

Deuce Down

Definition: To take a shit. A variation on the more well known "drop a deuce".

verb

Example: I just ate at Taco Bell now I have to deuce down!

THIS IS....

2008-11-05T03:40:00.001-08:00

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS: AMERICA DIES AT AGE 232!!!

2008-11-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

1776-2008.

The communist socialist marxist anti-American anti-white anti-military smug elite radical left wing piece of shit nigger bastard douchebag fuck has been elected the 44th president of the United States!

WE'RE TOTALLY FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTE: A FUNERAL SERVICE FOR THE UNITED STATES WILL BE HELD IN LATE JANUARY.

It's Erection Day!

2008-11-04T03:46:00.000-08:00

As the chinkynese would say...

I voted absentee 2 weeks ago. It's so much easier than wasting time standing in a fucking line for hours. Now, I think i'll spend the day handing out KFC coupons. Keep them in the restauraunts and out of the polling stations.

We can't have people like this dumb bitch voting....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ikOxi9yYk

Hmmm...what does she mean she won't have to worry anymore? Can someone translate? I don't speak 'lazy nigger'.

God Fucking HELP US!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

2008-11-03T10:54:00.000-08:00

Al Bundy supports Bacrack Yobama!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99HzP6BQm5Y

I didn't think the Bundys paid taxes....

QUOTES FROM MY LIFE 2

2008-11-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

Starring:
Tommy
Dad
Mom
Sister Ashley
Best friend Matt, brothers Andrew and Brian
Grandmother

**ALL THESE QUOTES ARE 100% REAL!!! EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE WAS REALLY SAID IN MY DAILY EXCHANGES WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS**

Mom: Shit
Tommy: What?
Mom: I lost my phone!
Tommy: Oh..
Mom: I know it's somewhere in the house....call it!
Tommy: Okay...PHONE!!!!! PHOOOOONE!!! Come here phone!! PHONE!!!
Mom: Come on!
Tommy: It's probably asleep under one of the beds.

Tommy: Why do we have to stop at the store?
Dad: Your mother wants coke.
Tommy: Nah, she has enough drugs for the week.

Driving in the car
Dad: Look at that dog over there he's taking a shit.
Tommy: PULL OVER! I wanna put my mouth under his ass.
Ashley: Sick...

Ashley and her friends are sleeping over at a hotel.
Tommy: Ash...you know what you have to do before you leave a hotel, you have to steal something.
Ashley: Okay, we'll steal some towels.
Tommy: Fuck that, take the TV!

Timmy is the guy my dad works with.
Tommy: How old is Timmy? 22, right?
Dad: I don't know...
Tommy: I thought he was 22?
Dad: Wait...yeah, you're right. I remember him mentioning that it was his birthday last week.
Tommy: ohhh...did u fuck him in the ass to celebrate?
Dad: Yeeeah...that's what I did. I fucked him in the ass on his bday.(sarcastic)
Tommy: Well, I hope you took him out to dinner first.
Dad: You're sick!

Tommy: I need to buy a new car.
Dad: You don't work!!
Tommy: A nice 2009, too!
Dad: YOU DON'T WORK!!
Tommy: Oh yeah...I gotta buy my house in New Hampshire next year, too!!
Ashley: You don't work!!!!
Tommy: I'll get a car, a house...what else?
Dad: YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB!!!

Tommy: What if I told you I got a job today?
Dad: I'd say you were lying out your ass.
Tommy: And you would be right!

Dad: Why didn't you take out the trash today?
Tommy: I couldn't, I was sick in bed with AIDS. But im feeling better now.
Dad: So you had the 24 hour AIDS?
Tommy: Yep!

Matt: Dontchya wanna hold a nigger down and pee in his face?
Dad: WHAT?!
Tommy: Hahahahahahah....yes or no?!?!

Tommy: I did alot today. I got up early, too.
Dad: Good...what time did u get up? 6, 7?
Tommy: 11:30

Happy Fucking Halloween!!!

2008-10-31T13:24:00.001-07:00
What did the gay vampire say to his victims?

"I vwant to suck your pud!"

Have fun, kill someone! I'm out...

HORROR!!!!!

2008-10-30T21:47:00.000-07:00
Anyone who knows me knows that I fucking dig Halloween. I eat tons of candy, go to a bunch haunted houses, decorate like crazy, dress in weird ass costumes, listen to spooky music and of course, watch a shitload of horror movies.

Here are some of my Halloweens favs:

1.Friday the 13th
2.Nightmare on Elm Street
3.Halloween
4.Dracula
5.Frankenstein
6.Faces of Death
7.Childs Play/Chucky movies
8.Rosemary's Baby
9.Psycho
10.The Ring
11.Silent Night,Deadly Night
12.Creepshow/Creepshow 2
13.Dead Alive
14.White Zombie
15.One Hour Photo

There's alot of others...but im too fucking lazy to write anymore.

You Gotta be Fucking Kidding Me!!!

2008-10-29T18:15:00.000-07:00
On my way to Burger King this evening I saw a house lit up with CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!
It's not even Halloween yet and these idiots have their fucking house decorated for Christmas! They're probably the type of people who leave them on until February, too. Unbelievable...

New South Park begins in 20 mins!!

Heeeereeeeeeeeeee's Tommy!!!

2008-10-28T22:40:00.001-07:00
What's the pedophile's favorite play?

'Diddler on the Roof'

What do u call a group of black kids searching for buried treasure?

The Coonies

What is the Mexican children's favorite game?

Spic Tac Toe.

QUOTES FROM MY LIFE

2008-10-28T20:10:00.000-07:00
MY LIFE

Starring:
Tommy
Dad
Mom
Sister Ashley
Best friend Matt, brothers Andrew and Brian
Grandmother

**ALL THESE QUOTES ARE 100% REAL!!! EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE WAS REALLY SAID IN MY DAILY EXCHANGES WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS**

* Ashley's in the bathroom.
Tommy: Ash, what are u doing in there? Are u giving birth to a brown baby boy?
Ashley: Shut up!
Tommy: But seriously, if u ever give birth to a brown baby boy im gonna stick it in the blender and beat you to death with a fucking baseball bat.

* Dad: Take out the trash and then empty the cat box.
Tommy: Jesus Christ...i'm only one person.
Dad: Yeah, and u do the work of half a person.

* Tommy: It was fun having a garden this year. We're gonna have another one next year. I mean, it was a little work for me...but...
Dad: It was NO WORK for you....
Tommy: Ah..
Dad: AT ALL!
PAUSE
Tommy: Oh yeah...

* Tommy: What are u doing in there?
Ashley: I'm talking on the phone.
Tommy: Your talking to your clit?!?!
Ashley: THE PHONE!!
Tommy: WHAT?.....YOUR CLIT?!?!?
Ashley: THE PHONE!!!!!!
Tommy: Wow....Ashley's clit can talk!

* Watching Family Guy. Cleveland discusses cottage cheese.
Tommy: Hahaha...niggers love their cottage cheese.
Ashley (from the other room): Shut up Tommy....you eat cottage cheese!
Tommy: ASH..................goddamn it.....u ruined my racist moment!

* Tommy: Ash, what are hot pants?
Ashley: Pants that are not on you!

* Brian and Andrew playing a video game. Tommy is watching.
Brian: Move closer to the hole and shoot.
Andrew and Tommy (exact same time): THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!
Tommy: Wow...matching "thats what she saids"! Fucking Amazing!

* Mom: Your son won $100 on a scratch ticket...and he hoarded it all to himself.
Tommy: That's not true. I split it with you 50/50. I kept 90 and gave you 10.
Dad: That's not 50/50.
Tommy: It's close.

* Ash: My ass is asleep.
Tommy: I bet you want a black guy's dick to wake it up, right?

* Ashley: I'm sleeping with Nash, and Myles wants you to sleep with him tonight. (my 2 and 4 year old cousins)
Tommy: Tell him I will but only if he wears a condom.

* Ashley: Nash is so cute...I had a boo boo on my knee and he kissed it.
Tommy: Awww...Say you have a boo boo on your clit and ask him to kiss it!

Tommy: Ashley's home from the party....ok...smell her breath!!....then smell her cunt.
Ashley: You're a sicko!

* Dad: Go get me my drill.
Tommy: Legally I don't have to listen to you anymore.
Dad: Legally, I can throw your ass out of the fucking house and forget you exist.
Tommy: Touche....

* Dad: You and little Myles get along so well.
Tommy: Yeah!
Dad: It's probably cuz you're so close in age.
Tommy: Yeah, that's right.

* My bday cake is put on the table, with two candles 2 and 0 on it.
Tommy: YAY!!!! I WANNA GO TO CHUCK E CHEESE!!!
Dad: I think it would make more sense to take that 0 off the cake.
Ashley: Good idea.

* Ashley: Where was I when you went to New York?
Dad: You were in your mother's tummy.
Tommy: HOLY SHIT, SHE ATE ASHLEY?!?!

Something to Do When You're Bored Out of Your Fucking Mind

2008-10-28T18:30:00.000-07:00
It's called 'The iPod Shuffle Game'. All you have to do is put your iPod on shuffle and list the songs that come up randomnly. I currently own 2 iPods. A blue iPod nano called 'The Blue Nigger' (full with 1,000 songs) and a newer black and silver version named 'Cho Cho Hole' (1,100 songs so far). I'll use the latter for this game.

I did it 20 times and here are the songs that came up:

1.) Rainy Day Parade by Staind
2.) Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Marilyn Manson
3.) Miserable by Lit
4.) The Only by Static X
5.) Facade by Disturbed
6.) Rumble Fish by Sevendust
7.) Without You by Hinder
8.) Riot by Three Days Grace
9.) I Could Have Been a Dreamer by Dio
10.) Tell Me Why by Cold
11.) Slam by Midnight to Twelve
12.) Devour by Shinedown
13.) We Don't Have to Look Back Now by Puddle of Mudd
14.) Dumb by Nirvana
15.) Paint the Seconds by Chevelle
16.) Duck and Run by 3 Doors Down
17.) L.O.V.E. by Brian 'Head' Welch
18.) You're Gonna Go Far Kid by The Offspring
19.) I'll Stick Around by The Foo Fighters
20.) MisSunderstood by Earshot

That was fun! Now, back to eating Captain Crunch and scratching my balls....

National Holiday!

2008-10-28T10:08:00.000-07:00
TODAY IS FREE TACO DAY AT TACO BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://blogs.reuters.com/shop-talk/2008/10/28/free-tacos-for-baseball-fans/

FUCKING SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!

Movies Most People Think Suck Ass But I Fucking Love!!

2008-10-27T00:05:00.000-07:00
Inaugural edition! (HAA..I learned that fancy word over the summer.)

Freddy Got Fingered (2001).

Description from IMDB...

Tom Green plays Gord Brody, a slacker who dreams of becoming an animator for cartoon shows. He is forced to move back in with his parents, but then refuses to leave. Along the way, he sexually pleasures various farm animals, licks open flesh wounds, accuses his father of molesting his brother, goes scuba diving in a toilet, plays an organ with several sausages attached to it which are suspended in midair, and does a bunch of other stuff that is too insane, offensive, disgusting, or weird to be mentioned here.

Here's what movie critic Roger Ebert said at the time about the 5 time Razzie award winning 'Freddy'.

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels...The day may come when Freddy Got Fingered is seen as a milestone of neo-surrealism. The day may never come when it is seen as funny.

Most critics consider it the worst movie ever made and gave it a 0 star rating. The Toronto Star even created a one time rating of 'negative one star out of five'.
I consider it brilliantly hilarious. I laughed my fucking ass off from the first scene to the closing credits. Tom Green could not have had a better vehicle for his unique brand of humor than this awesome movie. It's definitely one of my all-time favorite comedy films! Go out and get the fucking DVD....NOW!!!!!!! 5 stars!! A+!!! HIGHLY RECCOMMENDED!!!!!!!

NOTE: Ebert gave THUMBS UP to the niggerized 'Honeymooners' movie..........

How to Die of a Massive Heart Attack Before the Age of 25 by Tommy Ryan

2008-10-26T23:07:00.000-07:00
For the past 3 nights, i've had the same thing for dinner. A Big Mac and large fry from McDonalds. Mmmmmmmmm.....

Should I go for 4?!?!

10 Random Facts About the Greatest Person That Ever Lived!

2008-10-26T21:36:00.000-07:00
1.) I *ONLY* drink water!!! (pure, regular water...not the gross flavored hippie shit.)

2.) I was a penis for Halloween last year. (pics soon)

3.) I've had 12 video cameras in 5 years and 10 digital cameras in 4 years. (I beat the shit out of my equipment!)

4) I have one of the fattest fucking cats in the world! (again..pics soon, nigs.)

5.) As as preteen, I was the singer in 2 bands. We played mostly song parodies. ('Genitals Between Us' was a big hit for us.)

6.) I only wear funny, offensive t-shirts. (I have a 'My nuts are bigger than yours' squirrel tee set aside for funerals.)

7.) I have a bigass collection of Weekly World News papers. (America's ONLY good fucking newspaper, R.I.P.!)

8.) Every birthday I fill the bathtub with my presents and bathe myself in them. (I scrubbed my balls with a South Park DVD last year.)

9.) I was quoted in a local newspaper 10 years ago about Pokemon cards. (much like hot pants and Obamamania... it was just a stupid fucking fad.)

10.) I've eaten at Burger King every Wednesday for the past 6 years. (Fuck healthy eating!!!)

TESTING!!!

2008-10-26T21:28:00.001-07:00
Asshole Nigger Penis Fuck!!!!

EDIT: IT WORKED!!!!!